How many baby showers is too many?

I got an invitation today for my cousin’s baby shower next month.  She’s due with a girl in July.  I’m not sure if I should accept this invitation or not.  Maybe you might have some advice for me.

Here are my hesitations:

1. This is not my cousin’s first child. In fact, it’s her third child. She already has a boy and a girl; the girl is just turning one year old. What else could she possibly need at this point? My only thought is that when she recently moved back home from where she had been living several hundred miles away she got rid of all of her baby items… leading me to my next hesitation.

2. This was an unplanned pregnancy.  When I was told about it from my grandmother, there was the insinuation that my cousin didn’t want another child and this was a big “oopsie.”  Is it really necessary to have another shower for her?  I can understand if she had gotten rid of all the baby items in her move, but she couldn’t have gotten rid of that many items – not when you move with a newborn… of the same gender.

3. Having just gotten over my own (second) miscarriage, I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle watching a woman with two children welcome her third in a joyous, well-planned, perfect party that should have been mine – along with the rest of my cousins and their babies, and their friends with babies…

So what should I do?  Dear Abby would say not to go if you don’t support the idea and if you would feel uncomfortable.  Emily Post would probably send a gift.  I don’t want to not support family.  But another baby shower – for your third child – that you’ve registered for.  Really?

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2 thoughts on “How many baby showers is too many?

  1. I almost withdrew from a Christening but when my friend sent me a message asking if I was still going, I decided that the event is too important to her for me to miss. I hate baby events now. I always end up in tears after. Yet at the sametime they give me strength because I know I can’t go on shutting people out or ignoring the happiness of friends or family. Otherwise I feel lost in my own pain.

    That said if it’s your cousin’s third child, then if I were in your shoes I’d probably say I have plans on that day but make sure I sent a sweet gift so she knew I was thinking of her. Even then.. baby gift shopping brings it own pains!

    • Thanks, fertilitydoll! One of my best friends has two 5-month old twins and it is so bittersweet to talk to her and visit with her children. She knows every step of my journey, too, so she’s very understanding and that helps a lot. I’m not ready to share all of that with my entire family, though, even if it would help them understand. I’ve decided not to go to the shower but my mother, sister and I are all sending one gift to her, which means I don’t have to be involved with the shopping at all! Still, shopping for babies tend to make me more upset at how highly consumer-oriented the industry has become. Scented ziplock bags to put the diaper in before throwing it in the trash? Grocery cart fabric covers? A $200 Vera Bradley diaper bag? Buying two car seats for one child (so that mommy and daddy both have a car seat, just in case)? When did we lose our common sense about raising children?

      Or maybe that’s my defensive way of hiding my own pain and jealousy?

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